Friends

I know it’s the beginning of a new year and I should be posting something more positive to bring up the momentum of the year, but here I am, lamenting about friends, and people in general. If you think reading this will spoil your year, you may stop now because what I’m going to do is to lay out the truth and facts about people and it might be ugly. 

In our lives, we have many so-called friends but how many of you can say for certain that you have friends, true friends? True friends for me is that someone who will go all the way to be there for you and no matter what time of the day, they will be there for you. 

Like me, I don’t mind going the distance, for physically and emotionally for a person whom I consider friend. I may drive 20km just to find that person to have a coffee or tea. Ok I don’t take tea, but that’s beside the point. The point is, I also noticed that this friend of mine has never been to my area to have coffee with me and it’s always me going to his area. 

And then another person has been on the phone with me quite frequent and I used to consider him a close friend and before we hang up, he always promised to plan for hang out the following week to meet up and catch up. Well, it has been almost 2 years now and I’m still waiting for the so-called catching up, even though that person knew catching up means involving someone very important to me in my life. 

And then the person that I was supposed to help in my “help-hole” post earlier, I used to consider him as a friend but recently I found out that he has abandoned me by not organizing any badminton game we used to play weekly but instead, he only organize private game with just that few, leaving me out in the cold. Maybe I am not up there in badminton skill but still, I was eagerly anticipating the weekly badminton game which has not happened for months. 

Over the years I had learned not to take a person’s word by surface value because most of the time people are just going to make empty promises. As for me, I’m one person who won’t make a promise unless I know I can keep it. But it’s disappointing to see someone whom I consider as friends will do something like that to me, as if I have to constantly make th effort  and initiatives to keep the friendship. 

And then I thought to myself, maybe it’s my problem. And then I came to realize that if its my problem, then so be it that these people do not see me as a friend and I’m perfectly fine with it. Most of the time these so-called friends will call me only when they needed some help and I’m still more than happy to help, but other than that, I know for a fact that I do not have friends. 

And you know what? I’m fine with that realization also that I do not really have a true friend outside of my family because it’s better that way than dealing with constant disappointment. 

Help-hole

Sometimes I find it very frustrating dealing with people, and I don’t mean those assholes which I am all prepared for but someone I labeled as help-hole.

If you know what is askhole, then you will be able to guess what is a help-hole. And if you don’t know what is askhole, let me have the liberty in explaining it to you…

A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.

Now, a help-hole is someone who will constantly ask for your help and then when you are helping them, they do not respond, or sometimes they don’t show up at all.

Let me give you the following scenarios which I had had the unfortunate opportunity to experience myself.

One day, a friend was asking me to help him to go to a mechanic together to pressure the mechanic to do up his car as soon as possible. Also an added advantage I have is that I can speak the mechanic’s language (meaning Cantonese, while my friend can’t speak a word of it but fluent in English and Malay). So we were making plans on the time and location to meet up, and I had to shift a few of my appointments to accommodate him into my schedule so that I can go to the mechanic together.

When the time came, I called him after my appointment. No answer. 

I waited for few minutes, and called again. No answer.

From 1pm until 6pm, I called many times but no answer. That was last week and until today, he still didn’t reply my text or my phone call.

I don’t know, but if I needed help, I would be there early just to make sure I won’t be late when my friend or someone who’s giving me a helping hand wanted to give me a hand. I won’t make that person wait for me and instead, I would rather be the one waiting as an expression of appreciation.

And then, there’s another scenario.

I had a client who needed my help in doing work for them, and I agreed despite the tedious nature of the help he was asking. Basically he wanted me to create the content of his website and also the whole sitemap, which can be really time consuming. After started off the project, I was told again and again to wait for his response, which I did, and when he finally got the time, he placed an intern to direct me on what to change and how to change it.

First of all, I am a professional and I do what I do best in earning a living, and yet he asked an intern to be above me, telling me what to do. I refused, and my client gave me a stern warning. I did a simplified table on the client’s pricing and the intern was giving me a flow chart of the pricing, which I couldn’t understand. So that took a bit of time to resolve and finally, after making a test group comprised of their clients, they all agreed that they way I made the pricing structure is way more easier to understand, and they finally agreed to go ahead with my plan.

After that, it was constant waiting and they just rejected my ideas and demos, saying that it is not up to their standard. After that, they became busy and didn’t respond so I just waited since they told me I need their approval to go ahead with my ideas.

Finally, after a few months, this client called and told me he will find someone else to do the project because he “needed someone who can take the project off his hands since he’s so busy and create the content without his constant involvement.”

I was like, WTF?

I was doing fine and I was doing a damn good job before he decided to butt in to take control, and because of his constant involvement, the project was delay again and again until it has been more than a year in dragging, and now I get the blame that I couldn’t deliver because I needed his involvement.

That’s what I get in agreeing to help out a client. I ended up getting insulted for my professionalism.

Anyway, that doesn’t matter anymore because now I have learned my lessons. I won’t be giving people a hand that easily in the future. If you wanted my help, make damn sure you need it because if I were to go out to help you out and you don’t respond, that will be the only fucking chance you have and I won’t respond next time even if you ask me nicely.

So adios, all the help-holes.