Friends

I know it’s the beginning of a new year and I should be posting something more positive to bring up the momentum of the year, but here I am, lamenting about friends, and people in general. If you think reading this will spoil your year, you may stop now because what I’m going to do is to lay out the truth and facts about people and it might be ugly. 

In our lives, we have many so-called friends but how many of you can say for certain that you have friends, true friends? True friends for me is that someone who will go all the way to be there for you and no matter what time of the day, they will be there for you. 

Like me, I don’t mind going the distance, for physically and emotionally for a person whom I consider friend. I may drive 20km just to find that person to have a coffee or tea. Ok I don’t take tea, but that’s beside the point. The point is, I also noticed that this friend of mine has never been to my area to have coffee with me and it’s always me going to his area. 

And then another person has been on the phone with me quite frequent and I used to consider him a close friend and before we hang up, he always promised to plan for hang out the following week to meet up and catch up. Well, it has been almost 2 years now and I’m still waiting for the so-called catching up, even though that person knew catching up means involving someone very important to me in my life. 

And then the person that I was supposed to help in my “help-hole” post earlier, I used to consider him as a friend but recently I found out that he has abandoned me by not organizing any badminton game we used to play weekly but instead, he only organize private game with just that few, leaving me out in the cold. Maybe I am not up there in badminton skill but still, I was eagerly anticipating the weekly badminton game which has not happened for months. 

Over the years I had learned not to take a person’s word by surface value because most of the time people are just going to make empty promises. As for me, I’m one person who won’t make a promise unless I know I can keep it. But it’s disappointing to see someone whom I consider as friends will do something like that to me, as if I have to constantly make th effort  and initiatives to keep the friendship. 

And then I thought to myself, maybe it’s my problem. And then I came to realize that if its my problem, then so be it that these people do not see me as a friend and I’m perfectly fine with it. Most of the time these so-called friends will call me only when they needed some help and I’m still more than happy to help, but other than that, I know for a fact that I do not have friends. 

And you know what? I’m fine with that realization also that I do not really have a true friend outside of my family because it’s better that way than dealing with constant disappointment.